求大侠修改雅思大作文!求哪个大侠帮我看看这篇雅思大作文写的怎么样,有什么可以修改、提高的地方,最重要是看看能得多少分?Some people think earlier technology changed our lives more than recent technolog

求大侠修改雅思大作文!求哪个大侠帮我看看这篇雅思大作文写的怎么样,有什么可以修改、提高的地方,最重要是看看能得多少分?Some people think earlier technology changed our lives more than recent technolog
求大侠修改雅思大作文!
求哪个大侠帮我看看这篇雅思大作文写的怎么样,有什么可以修改、提高的地方,最重要是看看能得多少分?
Some people think earlier technology changed our lives more than recent technology.Do you agree or disagree?
During the past century,our life has experienced huge transformation which is attributed to the technology.Being confronted with the continuing development of technology,some people appreciate earlier technology rather than the recent for its foundational status in technological realm,while other proportion of people applaud modern technology more as it is seen by themselves.I am personally more supportive to the former opinion,two of my primary reasons are as follows.
Firstly,early innovation on technology is the basis of the latter progress happened to technologies.Specifically,it is hard to imagine how the world would be like,if there were on electricity in our life.Numerous inventions like computers that are supported by electricity have improved the quality of our life.But only the application of electricity is what totally converts our life.It is early technology that has lit the whole world,and the recent technology has merely increased the brightness.
Secondly,compared with modern technology,the technology in early time has less side effects.Indeed,modern technology makes our life to be more joyful,yet it also has negative effects to our life.We still cannot predict the detriments brought by advanced technology,such as nuclear technology,mechanical additives and the forth.Nevertheless,the influence of illumination technology,which is the symbol of early technology,is believed to be completely positive for human beings.From this aspect,I prefer earlier technology outweigh the modern technology.
Overall,it cannot be denied that both technologies nowadays and long time ago have made contributions improving our way of life,though the early technology plays a more foundational role.
但是劳烦大侠还给个分数啊！

求大侠修改雅思大作文!求哪个大侠帮我看看这篇雅思大作文写的怎么样,有什么可以修改、提高的地方,最重要是看看能得多少分?Some people think earlier technology changed our lives more than recent technolog
During the past century, our life has experienced huge transformation which is attributed to the technology. Being confronted with the continuing development of technology, some people appreciate earlier technology rather than the recent for its foundational status in technological realm, while other proportion of people applaud modern technology more as it is seen by themselves. I am personally more supportive to the former opinion, two of my primary reasons are as follows.

By way of conclusion, once again, I am opposite to modern technology even both kind of technology have made a major contribution to our planet though.
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Comments:
-The repetition of inappropriate word choices are quite often.
-Fail to control of sentance structure.
-Hard to extract the meaning at times.
Cheers :)
It's hard to response to limitation of your band score because of the marking scheme amongst countries even regions are not withstanding fixed standard. Go get your teacher..

总体不错，但语法和连贯性还有提高空间，只是个人意见，如不专业，也别介意

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